Write a list of fears and anxieties. Including all obstacles you anticipate that may bring you down or get in your way. Then list positive inkings that have to do with what you are doing….Today.
Fears and anxieties:
* Another set back with school. If all works out I fear not going to school for something I want to, or worth it.(non-residency, lack of financial aid, lack of time)
* Not selling the car or the title not coming though like promised. One thing after another. (too many miles, old lady car, or not being able to pay her back in full)
* Displeasing God and his offerings. Not believing or trusting in his promises or feel like I should get more than offered. Not having the patience to see his will.
* Allow my needs and past pains get in the way of this relationship. (The thought that I can’t please or be good enough. Allow my insecurities talk and not my heart. Not doing good for him and filling his needs)
* Giving up to easily and being a disappointment to the people around me.
Positive inklings:
* Working hard and being recognized for that effort (promotion, trust, responsibility)
* The Travis website. I feel needed and like I can help or make a difference.
* Working to become more independent. (No longer connected to my parents)
* Getting a better understanding for who I am as a woman and what a Godly woman should be like. (feminine, strong, loving, captivating, yet vulnerable)
* In a loving positive relationship. Working through tough times and becoming one.
* Enjoying a new side of the family that loves, supports, gives, cares, and shows effort to make me happy, healed, better, and confident.
* Trying to enjoy the simple things I have going for me. Watching a sunset, seeing some happy faces, taking photos, trying new things, learning about God, creating, and being free spirited to and extent.
Entry 1, for the book 40 days and 40 nights. Shall be interesting. See ya tomorrow folks.
I want to tell her about the amazing things that have happened to me. She wouldn’t understand and she wouldn’t care at all. Instead I just get angry and shut down and tell no one about anything.
I wish my mother was different.
It hasn’t been long since you saved me. It has been a short while since you spoke to me. I felt renewed, alive, and honest.
Now I think to much, smile to little, and ask to often. I need you to catch me O’Lord. I think I am falling again and I don’t know what to do.
Am I living life right? Am I living it wrong? Do thoughts count against me as sin? Sometimes I feel like its a numbers game. A game of tally right or wrong.
Catch me O’Lord nudge me in the right direction.
I know that you are confused. You are not sure where you are in life. You struggle with knowing if you are a little girl or a woman. Some people treat you as a child and others baby you with their words. Your mind is growing, yet your body is not far behind. You’re feeling new feelings, discovering ideas of your own, waiting for something more to happy. Well young woman, you hold your head up high and show the world who you are. Follow your dreams until no end. Allow the Lord to make your soul wise. Embrace this time in your life and seek out an adventure. You are a woman and you will leave the child behind. You will rise up soon and all will look at you with a smirk. Become confident, become intelligent, and become anything you want to be. If you are sure then so will everyone else.
P.S. I look up to you and I see a strong young woman!
thank you
Lord you saved me from the unknown. Follow me as I walk the path of life. Let you be the light to my feet and the guide within my soul. Father Jesus I bow to you in love and I give you this life because I KNOW, your loving kindness is better than this life!!
